Wednesday 4 August 2010

Sugar & Spice What are Autogynephiliacs Made of?

What I find hard to deal with is at the ripe old age of 41 I still can't decide what sex I am. I live 99% of the time in my male role and 90% of that time is spent crossdreaming. When I was younger it was most about the clothes (pre teen years) but since being an adult it's all about wanting to know what it feels like to be a female, something inside me wants to be able to touch femininity and experience it at the most realistic level that I can achieve.

So what are we made of? I'm a great believer in genetics but I often wonder if being an AGP is simply the result of media influence. In todays world women are sexualised to the highest degree. A simple advert for a woman's skin care product will show the woman lovingly touching herself, and almost having an orgasm from using the product. Yes I know I'm exaggerating but I think you know what I mean. So do males who have a predisposition for AGP get influenced by such imagery? Did AGP exist as it does today two hundred years ago? Crossdressing has always been around but the AGP thoughts and motivations have they always been there too?

So what goes through your head at the moment of orgasm? For me, what ever the fantasy, it's about somehow realising the dream of being female. The recognition by myself that I'm not a male, and the recognition by others that I'm not a male. The idea of being free. Acceptance by females in normal everyday situations which don't involve your typical fantasy situation but the fantasy of achieving normality as a female. 

Todays photo is of me riding in the Wheel of Manchester 2009.


  1. nearly everytime, I'm fantasizing that I'm making some guy climax, in fact often during masterbation I'll pretend my penis isn't even a part of me, and I'm just a girl playing with someone else's penis.

    I've struggled with his double life for a long time (now age 36) and I can say I've simply accepted that I too am 95% guy (don't want to spend time getting ready, want to tinker with stuff, like the bigger paycheck, the respect, people think I'm smarter). But when those hormones start pumping, it craves to be feminine, it craves to be girly.

    I've actually toyed with the notion of the scenario (if there were such an option) of becoming a genetic girl, perhaps it wouldn't be any more work than being a male autogynapheliac. I could live my life mostly as a tomboy, and when that urge arises, I could (with little effort) make myself pretty. As apposed to now where it takes quite a bit of effort to make myself pretty (at least to the critical level of myself).

  2. You would probably find that if you became a female (genetic or via hormones and SRS) that you would probably remain a tomboy if that is your basic personality. The absence of testosterone could mean that the urge would never arise for you to appear as a female. Catch 22. I often remind myself that all my views and experiences of myself (like it or not) are those of a man with a male viewpoint and experience of life which are hard facts :-(
    Many times when I'm fantasising I actually pretend I don't have a penis, bizarre or what. Having ingested estrogens means I can use my own small breasts which adds to the realism of the fantasy.

  3. How do you live 99% in male mode when you look totaly female? From the pictures on this site I can't see you "passing" as a man.

  4. You are very pretty and make a very good presentation as a woman. I would not know from your pictures that you were ever a man. My own mother wanted a daughter but got three sons. She, in typical Germanic fashion, wanted me to be a girl. I remember her saying that I should have been born a girl. The germanic family often dressed the boy as a girl until puberty. I think that this was the basis for the dysphoria that some boys experience but the desire to please the mother you love is strong and leads to tits and vagina envy. This for wa not a problem until I was a sexagenarian and the testo was much diminished. The use of herbals to slow prostate problems brought about changes that favored the dysphoric condition but at my age will not affect my life as much as your being a woman has been. I think that medicine to reduce the size of the prostate has a greater feminizing effect that men want to admit. I dream a lot now about how the grass must be greener on the other side of the fence and am tempted at even my advanced age to pursue hormone therapy. Anyway it is merely academic except for the use of the herbals that affect my libido more than my male sex!