Tuesday 31 August 2010

Being Very Honest With Yourself

Me Four Years Ago

So is there a difference between these two statements?

"I'm a woman side, have always felt like a woman but I'm trapped inside a male body'


"I accept that I'm male, I act the male role, but I would like to be a woman and have always been jealous of women"

The first statement presumes the classic accepted transsexual position. But like it or not the viewpoint of feeling like a woman is based upon a male perception of womanwood. An imagined sense of how women are supposed to feel inside. A gentle and soft mannered male may feel that his feelings are more suited to the female role in life. This may well be the case and if it works out then great.

But what of people who feel that the second statement is true for them. Are they in any way less suited for transition? Perhaps they are as they may find it almost impossible to transition as they have lived out successful male lives. But if the desire is so strong to transition, is it any less deserving than people who fit into the first group?

I've spent pretty much all my life with a transgender obsession going through my head. I can take it back to first memories but I'm still trying to find where I fit in with it all. My main problem is because there is a sexual core to the transgender desire within me and I wonder what would happen if I took things further how happy I would be? What if I got to the other side and could not figure out why I had done the whole transition in the first place. I feel that my sexual desires are a spiritual flow inside of me,  I would always need this flow even on the other side. When I talk about sexual desire I mean at all levels, even without actual physical arousal just mental.

From using estrogen in low doses I have changed my sexuality I feel for the better. I can be sexual in thought only which is fine and I really feel that I can experience some form of 'female' response which I enjoy too. All of this feeds my AGP and does make me feel better about myself. 

How do others cope with this strange obsession?



  1. It is strange to see how sexuality is understood as completely different from any other expression of gender, being that temperament, interests or aesthetic preferences.

    There is no reason for this, as both men and women are very sexual beings. Nevertheless, as soon as a man or a woman says he or she gets turned on by imagining him or herself having the body of the opposite sex, their gender conflict is said to be false. It is all a fetish or a perversion.

    I can hear people muttering: "But... but.. but.. of course they are perverts!!! Sex is dirty!"

    Really? Is it?

    This is what over 3000 years with Judeo/Christian/Islamic guilt ridden emotional conditioning does to a culture.

  2. First of all, I wouldn't characterize it as a "strange obsession". The condition you describe and which I share is nothing more than another spot on the sexual spectrum, no more strange or invalid than any other place on that spectrum. Certainly many sexual activities that are now commonplace or mainstream were once regarded as strange; now they are talked about and even shown openly. So should this condition, or to be less clinical this situation, be regarded; as something that is just as valid an activity as any other sexual activity.

    You seem to be describing your situation as a struggle, but your pictures show someone who appears confident, secure, and realizes that she presents an attractive and desirable appearance. I really envy you that.

    I myself correspond to the second statement; someone who enjoys fantasizing what it would be like to be a women: dress, attitude, behaviour, movement. And sexual activity as well. I have no desire to transition, but cannot see any objection to someone with a stronger desire wanting to do so. There is no one person or group that can decide what is best for another person, that decision can only be made by the person involved and without reference to some exterior notions of who is "deserving".

  3. It all depends on how much and to what extent. There are many drag queens and feminine males who have absolutely no desire to have female body. their desire to be like females is based on their personality or outlook they wish to partake in to an extent. So, if such a person transitions, he might only find himself in a more miserable situation as he does not identify as woman which means he is not going to have a lot of fun in being female. The simple reason is that everyday life is not all about dressing up and sex. I dont say these aren't necessary, but just that they aren't everything which defines a woman.
    But for the people who are slightly more deep into the domain of transgenderism, transitioning is definitely a healthy option. So it all depends on what the individual identifies as.

  4. In the two statements that you have given at the start of the comment is a dichotomy which, like the two recognized genders is at best descriptive but as truth is false.

    I am a successful male, who by some fate has also been a female in all but outer expression that is my appearance. From thought processes to empathy, interest to nurturing my environment, need to reflect my emotional state through clothing I present female and therefore am considered by others a guy who is sooo in touch with his feminine side. They say "oh, it's his european upbringing.

    I find the struggle is to identify ones place. Describe how we really feel without resorting to the gender stereotypes, because in them lies both the danger and the curse of all those who struggle with this process of knowing oneself.

    I intend to do estrogen treatments, but not re-assignment. I don't hate myself or my body, or for that matter any of it's parts. They are not wrong. They are not right and so I plan to work around them. I believe if we take people at their face value maybe we forego the need to define them by gender.

    Sexuality is the rough and tumble engineering of nature. It kinda works but interferes with everything. And of course is fun

  5. Why do AG fight so much to not be tagged perverts ?

    Is it so bad to be a pervet ? Bewteen a pervert who likes weird sex stuff and between somebody who hates his body and wants to have another body because he thinks that he is a woman, I prefer BY FAR to be the PERVERT as perverts are HAPPIER and don't harm themselves !!!!

    Perverts rarely kill themselves because they don't know who they are.

    I thinks that I am between pervert and lost. Probably Bordeline.

    This is how I feel.

    I thinks that the inner woman is a rubbish invented not be tagged as pervert.

    We all have female and male parts (it supposed that we first label some behaviour or feeling as gender oriented, which is often only social), so nobody should need to go to "one side only", even less transgender people as they are clairly male and so can not delete the man in them.

  6. By pervert i mean = who loves for sex and doesn't need love

    No moral judgment, for me pervert means who is sex addict.

    I don't mean a pervert mental structure.

    I love to be a pervert but the proble is that it isolates me from love !

  7. Read un the previous message = Loves sex (i forgit the sex) for sex