Thursday 13 January 2011

Sexchange Regret, Retransition & A Forced Sexchange For Good Measure

A most fascinating documentary regarding retransition and sexchange regret. The other parts are also on You Tube.

"I simply grew out..... of the feelings I had, that made me want to live as a female" 

So what made someone grow out of these feelings? Was the whole desire testosterone fueled in the first place, perhaps by AGP? Judy/Josef Kirchner looked great as a female and was in every way a female when she is saying how she wants to be male again. Are there those who are truly duel gendered to the point  where they need to do one role full time and then another?

And what of Josef today? He has a new website 'Mangina Man'

His former web site Help Me Reverse My Sexchange is available

Forced Sexchange Fantasy? Anyone?

So if having a sexchange forced upon you is your fetish you'll enjoy this new horror movie which deals with just that, a forced sexchange. The film is called Victim. Watch if you dare!!!!

Monday 10 January 2011

Autogynephilia What Treatment is There?

By now those of you who have identified yourselves as autogynephilics or at least to the sexual motivation of pushing yourself into transition, would have read many case studies and examples of people like yourself. Many feel that there are other components or layers to the condition besides the sexual side tied up with the gender confusion causing a feeling of gender dysphoria. Personally I find that the whole thing exhausts me, taking me on a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. During the journey I'm always looking for some sort of place where I know I'd be comfortable but the intense level of frustration behind the AGP condition wears me down at times. As I write I'm on a bit of a downer with it all. 

In the past I've become so wrapped up in the gender confusion that I feel my head simply 'pops' from the frustration, allowing me to have a temporary break from AGP. The frequency of the breaks has become shorter and shorter as I've got older. I'm at the stage now waiting for such a break to occur but there does not seem to be one on the horizon. Going back to my 20's I could manage to have a break from it all for a couple of months at a time, it would always come back with a vengeance. 

So what can be done to manage these feelings and emotions which cause so much mental exhaustion? What treatment is there? You can talk and talk to a therapist and get no where. You can take hormones which do help but then you are giving into it all, shouldn't you keep fighting? So what helps the sufferer long term?

Some Light Reading For You

One thing that prompted the above was the following post I found on Jack Molays Twitter Transvestitism is a Narcotic drug 

Another interesting read I found was the Runaway Train 'Story', which is about a young AGP who goes through a full transisition. We are led to believe that the story is fact and for the most part it does convince but there are the odd 'tranny buttons' that are pushed. However it's does contain some very good insights to what it could mean for an AGP who does transition. If someone can prove to me the story is real I'd love to hear from you. Anyway here is the Runaway Train.

Are you affected by crossdressing? Do you have cross gender feelings that you find difficult to talk about? Why not try Cross Dream Life at

Sunday 2 January 2011

Are Some Shemales & Post-Ops Autogynephiliacs?

Me with some of my Murano glass collection.
Surprising to learn I have other interests.
I've often been fascinated by the sexuality of shemales and post-op girls. I guess I'm somewhat a shemale myself having adjusted my hormone balances over the years, but I find it hard to analyse myself. 

There are photographs platered all over the internet of shemales, and more recently post-op girls, in a variety of sexual poses. I wonder what motivates them in the sexual sense when transitioned? When I mean transitioned I also take into account non-op.

So what if someone feels that they have autogynephilic motivations, does this carry on through the transition process? I have read many articles on the subject.

It would appear that if you're a transsexual but has the autogynephilic push behind you, you could end up in one of the following states if you went through with the complete obsession:

i. Total Regret. The surgical SRS leaves you in a state wondering why you ever did it, as the driving force has been switched off from the surgery. In which case you should have remained non-op as presumably being in the non-op state you were still able to experience the autogynephilia to a lesser perhaps controlled degree, but at the same time enough for you to be motivated to live in role as a female. 

ii. During transition the hormones have gradually turned off the autogynephilia, but you still feel motivated to become female. You feel a great relief that you don't have your head full of autogynephilic fog anymore. You are able now to express the female side of yourself without guilt. You are happy and this continues after SRS. You are who you've always wanted to be.

Me last year
looking at the images available of post-ops some appear to have embrassed a new sexual realm and 'appear' to enjoy their sex life. Now with commercial pornography the smile can be insincere, the girl is simply doing it for the money etc etc. But what about the girls who are either promoting themselves with their own model sites or just the amateur picture postings that you may see on many forums? Are they continuing a sexual exhibitionism which is part of a possible continuation of autogynephila, or is this everyday sexual behaviour?

An interesting resourse for examining post-op girls in either everyday photos, glamour or pornographic is the very long running thread at Planet Suzy.  You have to join the free forum in order to view the private Gay / Bi-sexual / Shemale / Ladyboy section. The actual thread is here once you've joined up.  There are over 500 pages of post-op ladies on there, hundreds and hundreds of images. The interest in post-ops or the fetishism of the post-op girl has really only appeared over the last couple of years.

When I view photos like the ones below there is an intense envy on my part. They have suceeded with what I don't have the guts to follow through with. I regard the three examples below as real women as they are presenting themselves as such in a normal everyday manner. There does not appear to be any sexual motivation to their presentation of themselves as women. No signs of any autogynephila here. Thats not to say that they don't express their sexuality in other ways.

My favourite post op lady is Kelly Van Der Veer, and here is my favourite photo of her

But back to what I was saying regarding sexuality of such women who are listed on the same thread but are avertly sexual with their amateur postings? Here is one picked at random. Why would a post op woman be interested in sexualising herself as a female unless there was a sexual motivation to do so? Now it's a good thing that sexuality is enjoyed in post-op life, but I do wonder if in such cases as below, the autogynephilia motivation has carried itself acrosss into post op life? I do accept that such exposure of ones self can have nothing to do with autogynephilia as many real women have such photo sets. It does please me that there is a sexual interest in life for people who become post-op.

After SRS
After SRS

I don't know who the person is in the above three shots, just found her on Planet Suzy.

What I've been questioning does show up my own stereotype views of women so I do accept that. The example above shows exhibitionist tendencies but could this be AGP fantasy continuing into post-op life?I had a tranny friend I lost touch with several years ago. He was a typical tranny, lots of photos of himself,  went out and about socially and seemed quite happy. He was always very anti TS, saying that no way would he ever take hormones or anything like that. Anyway, one day I came across him again on the internet. We swapped phone numbers and had a good chat on the phone. After a while I joked about how he has softened his voice, he then confessed to me that he had been through SRS. I initially thought he was joking but he was serious. We then continued the conversation via web cam so as I could actually see him (now a she). She looked good and asked if I wanted to see her breasts, laughing I said yes and without hesitation she got them out to show me. She then without asking put her legs in the air and showed off her vagina to me. The 'show' then continued with a dildo and you can imagine the rest. I was not sure what to make of all this and I did feel somewhat embarrassed about it all. Once the show had ended she then updated me with what had happened to her though a series of photos she emailed me whilst on the web cam. They were the usual photos that she always did of herself before becoming a TS. Here is me dressed up outside a castle, shopping centre, standing by my car etc etc. Mixed in with the photos were overtly sexualised ones too. Many up-skirt shots taken showing off her vagina  climbing over fences, walking up the stairs etc etc. So all I could conclude was that  autogynephilia had carried on for her past being a post-op for 5 years. This is a true story I have not made it up.

Anyway that's my blog entry for today.

Cheryl x