Friday 23 July 2010

Keeping it all in your head or letting it take over?

One thing I have learned from others who identify with autogynephilia  is that there seem to be two types of heterosexual AGP types.

Type 1. The person never actually physically realises his fantasies in the real world, or even in private. Physical dressing does not take place. The fantasy and interest is kept under lock and key within their own head. I have always found it hard to understand how type 1 AGP's can control their fantasies so they are not driven to become a type 2 (below)

Type 2. The drive/desire is so strong that the brain commands the body to enact out the fantasy in the physical form. This may be in total private, in front of a trusted collection of friends or full on - going out and about dressed  in public to the local supermarket etc.

I personally fit into the type 2 category.

At first when as a young child of about 3 or 4 I fitted into the type 1 category. The thoughts and feelings grew ten fold over the years to what they are now. Any attempt at hiding the feelings for a period of time results in them coming out far worse at a later date.

I consider myself to be attracted to females and am constantly admiring the look of femininity. So much so that I want to copy it myself.

Please remember these blogs are just my own views. I have spent years obsessing with trying to deal with the fantasies I have. I researched and read every article and have decided to just put down my own thoughts on the subject with how it controls my own existance. What I write here is a brain dump and it may sound crazy at times.

If you're a TS who finds my posts offensive, there is no need to spend time writing to me to tell me how wrong I am about everything and that I'm a crazy schizoid fetishist who should shut up. I'm totally fed with people telling me that it's never been a fetish of any kind for them. Well good for you if that's the case, so go and enjoy life. Funny enough many who have said this to me are usually dressed in some form of fetish wear when they tell me. I've noticed that anyone who stands up and says hey I feel gender confused and there is a sexual side to it gets blasted very nastily.


  1. I can relate to being fed up as I am too.

    I don't know how anyone could call you a fetishist...look at wear ordinary everyday clothes that natal women wear...your presentation is very *normal* and I have no doubt you could walk past a gaggle of teenage girls in the mall and they would look right through you...seeing you as someone like their mother and not giving it a second thought

    Again I say talking to trans women about sexuality is like talking to rich people about just don't mention it, ever

    Actually come to think of it...mentioning anything about the classicism inherent in transitioning is also a no no...maybe most transitioners also happen to be rich people too

  2. Dear Christy
    Many thanks for the very flattering comments. For me the whole thing has always been about trying to appear as a normal woman. The idea of being read is something I would want to avoid. The fantasy for me is to blend in as much as is possible. Perhaps no different to the other side of the coin with someone who wants to parade around in a fetish outfit and gets their kicks out of being read?

    I find AGP can result in the most unsatisfying and frustrating feelings where you can't quite touch or experience what you want to the most.