Thursday, 30 December 2010

Fighting Autogynephila

A younger me

In 1995 I discovered the internet and created one of the first transgendered web sites. It was called the Sussex Transgender Page. My main reason for creating the site was to find someone like me, or identified in the same way as I did with the transgendered scene. I got lots and lots of emails and made some good friends. It was very flattering to be out at a TG event and have someone asking if I was Cheryl from the Internet. In all of the years the page was running I did not meet anyone who was like me. Was I that unique with my outlook, I'm not sure?

During these early years I also so wanted a girlfriend who would accept me, yet I had this burning desire to feminise myself. So many inner conflicts which I thought I would be able to untangle to clear my head.

Many years ago I visited a well established transsexual support group. It was made very clear that this group meeting was for true transsexuals only and not transvestites. This is back in the days when you were either TV or TS. I was rather intimidated about going as I was not too sure what side of the transgenered fence I was one. My only exposure to 'true transsexuals' was seeing Caroline Cosey, April Ashley and other types who looked like real women. Anyway the support group was a real eye opener for me. Everyone there was a bloke in a frock, manly men dressed up with heavy orange  foundation makeup all reitterating with each other that they are women. Some would have you believe they were realer than real women for one reason or another. Many could quote from the bibles of transsexuality as to their condition. 'I only wear the uniform of my sex', I heard one say. Another could be heard saying 'Oh he was just a TV, not like me who is a TS'. Mini skirts and high heels were very popular amongst the group, but a complete denial of any form of fetish. I had no idea that the human mind could fool these poor souls into such a delusioned condition. On leaving I realised that I too must appear like these people. I was cured for six months, the shock took away all ideas and desires about being female. But the feelings did return.

Even today I'm instantly taken back to memories of this support group meeting when I hear career transsexuals lecture as to how someone like me should feel or even say on the net. I instantly create an image of the very sad confused and unemployable people I met at the support group. 

All these years later I still don't have any answers. The problem defies all logic and no matter how hard I try to reason with myself I'm still all mixed up.

I've often thought that there is an inner fight within myself. There is the everyday self I present to the public and the hidden self that needs to be expressed but finds the whole idea of a full scale transition rather terrifying. So I'm always limited to 'safe' surroundings and tranny circles.

I'm currently at the stage where the choices are:

1. Stay as I am, live out the role that is expected of me. Get used to feeling that I'm on the outside looking in all the time, with no answers to my feelings.

2. Get some guts and have ago at a transition into female role.

So what prevents me from moving forward with this inner desire? Guilt. A great feeling of letting those I know down. A sense that I would have lost the inner fight, and have chickened out of being a male. A fear of public rejection, who wants to walk around with people pointing at you, that's no life.

Plus there is the nasty autogynephilia that I feel has been pushing me all along. Does autogynephilia exisit in transitioned transgendered individuals? If I transitioned I could be non-op or post-op as the public view of me would not notice or care either way.

How would I feel inside? If AGP was still inside me post tranistion would I feel that I've done all I can but still feel motivated by it?

Or perhaps would AGP be suddenly switched off, would this make me happy being clear of this demon obsession? Or worse if the motivation is switched off then I'd be female but with no desire or drive to actually continue being female.

I would love to hear from life stories from those who have transitioned where AGP was at some stage or still if a driving force.

Anyway bugger all this nonsense. I'm going to dress up........

Sunday, 19 December 2010

Hormones For The Experienced Autogynephiliac?

I thought I would write a piece on my blog about the use of hormones for  people who identify as autogynephilic or a form of crossdreamer.

I've experienced the obsessional transformation fantasy of  becoming a female since first memories. Perhaps I should say I've suffered from this obsession from a very early age. The interest has always had sexual overtones and has slowly become worse and worse as I got older. Yes I was experiencing sexual fantasies from first memories, which is not as rare as you would first think with young children. At such a young age I simply thought it was something I could conjure up magically which would make me feel nice and also arrest the fantasy for a while. 

Anyway all these years later I guess the obsession is as bad as its going to get, it really can't get any worse can it?  For me personally I have always wanted to control or dampen this crazy obsession. I suppose I have problems accepting this side of myself and feel great shame and guilt about the whole thing.

I've had access to hormones on and off over the years as a way of providing myself with some form of solution to my problem. The perceived view was that I could dampened the obsession whilst also at the same time fulfill the fantasy. The fantasy has always been very strong and demands that I enact it out as realistically as I can in real life. 

In my early twenties I visited a private psychiatrist who gave me access to the magic pills within 10 minutes of talking to him. This was Russell Reid, or as many at the time would say Uncle Russ with the Smarties. He was later disciplined over 'rushing' patients through the system which came to light with the Charles Kane post op TS case. So I took the full dose of the magic pills for a little while, lost my sex drive very quickly, got very scared and tried to pull myself together. I repeated this often over the next few years.

In later years I came to the conclusion that a low dose hormone option may be better suited to me (the low dose was 50mcg patches) . This was via the skin patches which are much safer and you only have to change them twice a week. After a short while I did feel much better and happier all round about myself. I maintained a sex drive which was not as urgent as before. My mental thought patterns also became clearer with general thinking and analysis throughout the day. I also felt that I was doing something I has always wanted to do. I felt happier that I was able to 'touch the femininity' far better than I had ever before and I generally felt very satisfied with myself.

During this time of feeling much happier I felt that hormones without physical role transition could be accomplished. After all my head was much clearer, the shame and guilt had pretty much lifted and my sexuality was much more normal. Did I really want to tun my life upside down over this obsession? I was able to focus on the idea of loving relations rather than the obsessional tranny fetish fantasy stuff.  I still had the desire to become female but it was under control.  I discussed this with my Doctor who had given me the hormone patches. He said there is not such thing as being 'inbetween', which is what you are trying to achieve. 'You are one thing or the other', he went on. I was not so sure.

So time marches on and before I know it a couple of years has gone by. During this time I maintained my happy emotional state. 

Yes I was still dressing as Cheryl as it was still a desire but controlled.  I was (am still am) living 95% of the time a a male. Then strange things started to happen.

My hair had grown long as I had always wanted long hair but was always worried about having it long,  hormones allowed me to want to grow my hair without shame. I found a very pleasant female hairdresser who did my hair in a female style without me even asking. I guess she simply thought the style would suit me. I still go to her and she simply fusses with my hair into a feminine style. She only knows me as Paul and knows nothing about Cheryl. She does know a TS friend of mine so I guess she has put two and two together. During the chat with her she always asks 'how is your partner?',  I presume she thinks I'm gay as 'partner' is often used as a polite was of asking 'how is your boyfriend?'. I'm not gay by the way. 

One day whilst out shopping I was at the checkout and realised I needed some replacement razor blades. They were behind the counter and had to be asked for. I asked for the Gillette set pointing towards the wall and the lady at the checkout passed me over the woman's set. So I said no not those one the ones next to it. Another woman's set was passed back to me. I had to actually say 'no the mens razor blades'. It was not until I got home that I realised that I must have been seen as a female, even though I was dressed as my male self and just asked in my normal voice.

Another thing happened in Donatello Restaurant in Brighton. I sat down to have a meal as my male self and the woman on the table next to use lent over and asked my friend if I was a man or a woman. This person was a little odd herself, she seemed mentally disabled in some way so as not to have any inhibitions. So that was a little embarrassing.

Many other times in shops similar things would happen. At Blockbuster I asked about a film title and the assistant said 'she wants this title'.  Whilst out walking through the town centre I was often approached by people doing surveys, 'oh excuse me madam' they would say as I walked past.

For the life of me I could not really figure out how people were making such mistakes about my gender. After all I was dressed as a guy, walked like a guy and sounded like one. Maybe my own perception of myself was really so very wrong. During my whole life I thought it would be impossible for me to dress as a woman and pass in public, and here I am going around in public making no effort to appear as a female dressed as a male and being called madam. My facial appearance looked the same to me despite close friends telling me that I was looking girly, I did not see it myself. I just thought I looked healthier.

So with all this happening to me was I pleased? You know I'm not sure what I made of it all. There was a sense that anyone looking at me and seeing a female must be blind. But I do admit to getting a buzz and pleasure out of the whole idea. All I conclude is that there is much more to the perception of male or female to a person who sees you for the first time, other than clothes and makeup. 

If I study my body, it is more female like which I like. Sexual activities today are far more pleasurable than they were before and perhaps more female like. I don't need an erection and I like my small breasts and nipples. I'm currently not taking hormones at present as I need to understand how far I want to take things. 

Making your mind up about what you are is so very difficult. Any help from readers would be most appreciated.

Anyway here is a picture of me in my normal day to day male look. Taken yesterday in the garden. I built a snowman for the first time since I was a child.  So do I look funny and odd?

If you're stuck for something to watch tonight, go on over to Tranisa and watch a film.


Monday, 15 November 2010

I must apologise for not adding entries as often as I should. I've been so tied up with the Tranisa project that I've not had much time for anything else.

I promise during December I'll put up some more back on topic AGP and crossdreaming personal stories and thoughts.

I've also decided to separate the Tranisa entries from this blog. This willl be the last time I'll talk about Tranisa on this blog. The new blog for all Tranisa news is now here.

In the meantime I'll just end by showing you some latest stills from the movies which will be released 1st December.

Both films feature Kat who was very keen to appear in our films. Ever so pretty and so very convincing.

One of the films centres about a worried mother who takes her son to the Doctors as he looks 'too girly' only to find out he is allergic to his own testosterone. Guess what happens!!!!

Trailers for all of these films will be up on the Tranisa site as well as on our own YouTube channel on 1st December. I have no idea if any of this will work or not it will be a great shame if it didn't as no one is really doing what we are doing. 

If any readers of this blog of fans of such material want to email me with any fantasy stories that they would like filmed I'll promise to try and film them if feasible.

Sunday, 26 September 2010

Tranisa Tranny Feminisation Videos Update

Last Friday was another busy filming day for the Tranisa team. Satine Spark and Masie Dee  two professional models were chosen our latest set of films.

Masie and Satine discover that Masie's husband is a secret transvestite, the postman delivers the post together with her husbands tranny mag. Masie accidently opens her husband post and finds the tranny mag. Both women confront Peter and decide to let him dress as Lisa and show off his feminine side to them. There is a little twist at the end which works well. In all quite a nice little film. Running time is 25 mins.

Another is a wedding dress fantasy where a chap is forced to dress as a blushing bride for a day by both Masie and Satine.

Another film we shot worked around a theme nails, stocking and shoes

I so much enjoyed working with Satine and Masie, both girls are just so lovely.

All being well we hope to be live at Tranisa 1st December 2010

Tuesday, 31 August 2010

Being Very Honest With Yourself

Me Four Years Ago

So is there a difference between these two statements?

"I'm a woman side, have always felt like a woman but I'm trapped inside a male body'


"I accept that I'm male, I act the male role, but I would like to be a woman and have always been jealous of women"

The first statement presumes the classic accepted transsexual position. But like it or not the viewpoint of feeling like a woman is based upon a male perception of womanwood. An imagined sense of how women are supposed to feel inside. A gentle and soft mannered male may feel that his feelings are more suited to the female role in life. This may well be the case and if it works out then great.

But what of people who feel that the second statement is true for them. Are they in any way less suited for transition? Perhaps they are as they may find it almost impossible to transition as they have lived out successful male lives. But if the desire is so strong to transition, is it any less deserving than people who fit into the first group?

I've spent pretty much all my life with a transgender obsession going through my head. I can take it back to first memories but I'm still trying to find where I fit in with it all. My main problem is because there is a sexual core to the transgender desire within me and I wonder what would happen if I took things further how happy I would be? What if I got to the other side and could not figure out why I had done the whole transition in the first place. I feel that my sexual desires are a spiritual flow inside of me,  I would always need this flow even on the other side. When I talk about sexual desire I mean at all levels, even without actual physical arousal just mental.

From using estrogen in low doses I have changed my sexuality I feel for the better. I can be sexual in thought only which is fine and I really feel that I can experience some form of 'female' response which I enjoy too. All of this feeds my AGP and does make me feel better about myself. 

How do others cope with this strange obsession?


Sunday, 22 August 2010

Tranisa Fantasy Films - First Shoot

We've filmed our first set of films for the Tranisa web site. I've been editing them together all weekend. I'm very pleased with the results so far. All four feature two very attractive female models, very well known in the adult entertainment industry. I was very pleased with how well they acted in their roles and their high level of professionalism whilst on the set filming. We featured two males who also did an excellent job  putting up with being transformed and teased by both the girls, all day long. Everyone went away very happy at the end of the filming, and a little richer financially, except us.

Whilst filming I was reminding myself how there is no sexual interest in the dressing for crossdressers, or transgendered people out there. So I do wonder who my customers will be when the films are up on the site. Yeah right !!!!

The organisation behind the whole shoot was actually quite stressful but it worked out very well in the end. Shoot number two will hopefully be in a couple of weeks.

All being well I plan to launch the Tranisa web site 1st December with a number of films covering a wide variety of transgendered subjects. I am hoping to have around 20 available on the launch date.  Something for everyone.

We still need male models who are willing to appear in these films. We need young good looking skilled TG's who are willing to be transformed on camera. Ideally you need to be within easy access to London and the South East for filming.

Friday, 6 August 2010

Tranisa News

I should be filming the first set of Tranisa films 20th of this month. I hope to film three, time permitting. Watch this space

Autogynephilia - Narcissism over the edge?

Me in Devon about 15 years ago.
I was browsing the web earlier today and found a post I posted five years ago on a TG forum. This was when I first came across the AGP word. I was surprised how much time I have invested in searching myself over the years, without gaining much from it. It wasn't until I discoved Jack Molay's Crossdreamers thread that I felt I found a common ground to rest my head. Anyway here is the old post I did:

So what exactly is autogynephilia?

The theory behind autogynephilia states that there is an entire group of transsexuals who are in love with the woman they fantasize themselves to be. They are in love with the woman they believe is inside them, or the woman they would be if they were women. This fantasy expresses it self in a sexual way and should not be confused with a general fetishism over wearing womens clothes. In most cases of autogynephilia it is the 'wearing the body' of an everyday woman. Autogynephilics may also see the sex change operation (SRS or even orchidectomy) as the ultimate sexual fantasy, so there may be an element of sado masacism attached. A post-op ts friend of mine once quoted that SRS was in fact, 'the ultimate sexual masacistic act'. So I think I understand her a little more since reading up on autogynephilia.

Many autogynephilics also pretend to be attracted to males in their sexual roleplay fantasies. The strange thing is when asked to describe the male they are having sex with, it is noted that the male is faceless. This goes onto prove that the male figure is a form of a stage prop to fulfill and justify feelings.

There is no reason why the theory does not apply to cross dressers as well. The difference would be the degree of infatuation, and the extent to which one was willing to go to bring the love affair to fruition. Many who have these feelings do go through the whole busing of changing sex. But are they happy, would they say if they were not happy? Autogynephelia is a neat and handy explanation for such phenomena as cross dressers increasing their activity the more frequently they dress, and the sudden switch to transsexualism at a later age. The more one cross dresses the "closer" one becomes to the love object until consummation becomes a necessity. Since the love object can only be obtained by externalizing it, the person must become the love object. Still with me?.

Interesting stuff don't you think. I would be interested in exchanging emails with anyone who has any comments about autogynephilia or feels they may be an autogynemetaphilic based transsexual. There are many TG's out there who do,in my opinion fit this description. However getting TG's to admit to any such thing is another matter.

So where do I fit in with the gender spectrum with reference to autogynephilia? Well I’m sorry I’ll have to be as vague as everyone else and keep that a secret too.

Personality Types of Autogynephiliacs

Do males who identify as AGP have other personality traits in common?

I was wondering if any of the following applies:-
Do we have poor relationships with the opposite sex?
Do we put the opposite sex on a pedestal?
Do we value anything in our males lives, which is reserved for the male sex? Apart from Rolex watches being better than women's ones?
Is the grass greener on the other side?
The inability to accept ourselves for what we are, are we fated to be at constant battle with our inner sense of self?
Suffer from obsessional interests in other areas of life?
Many people who suffer from gender problems seem to have other very serious personality problems, I often wonder if the root cause is from the inability to cope or deal with the gender problem.

Wednesday, 4 August 2010

Sugar & Spice What are Autogynephiliacs Made of?

What I find hard to deal with is at the ripe old age of 41 I still can't decide what sex I am. I live 99% of the time in my male role and 90% of that time is spent crossdreaming. When I was younger it was most about the clothes (pre teen years) but since being an adult it's all about wanting to know what it feels like to be a female, something inside me wants to be able to touch femininity and experience it at the most realistic level that I can achieve.

So what are we made of? I'm a great believer in genetics but I often wonder if being an AGP is simply the result of media influence. In todays world women are sexualised to the highest degree. A simple advert for a woman's skin care product will show the woman lovingly touching herself, and almost having an orgasm from using the product. Yes I know I'm exaggerating but I think you know what I mean. So do males who have a predisposition for AGP get influenced by such imagery? Did AGP exist as it does today two hundred years ago? Crossdressing has always been around but the AGP thoughts and motivations have they always been there too?

So what goes through your head at the moment of orgasm? For me, what ever the fantasy, it's about somehow realising the dream of being female. The recognition by myself that I'm not a male, and the recognition by others that I'm not a male. The idea of being free. Acceptance by females in normal everyday situations which don't involve your typical fantasy situation but the fantasy of achieving normality as a female. 

Todays photo is of me riding in the Wheel of Manchester 2009.

Friday, 23 July 2010

Get Paid to be Feminised

Now here is an offer that does not come along very often.  Yes the offer is totally true, live out your fantasy, become feminised by real feminine women and get paid too. Yes there is a catch you have to be filmed.

My new web site TRANISA has only been up for 10 days and its becoming very popular. I don't have anything to offer as yet apart from the promotional video I made showing a recent photoshoot. I wanted to demonstrate that a high quality well made transgendered film can be made by us.

Tranisa is seeking skilled transgendered males who are willing to be feminised on film. We have a number of proposed scripted titles already but you are welcome to appear in your own fantasy. If you tell us what the fantasy is and it's feasible for us to do then we'll make it.

The site will offer tasteful films not pornographic but erotic. We don't feel we have to resort to hard core to make a desirable quality product. All the films we make will be made to a high level using broadcast equipment, purpose built sets and private locations. Each film may feature up to four real women who will be the other characters in the story. The eroticism will come from the situation the male finds themselves in, what is said and how the females react, the humiliation, the dressinging...... need I go on?

No one will be asked to do anything they don't want to,  we don't feel our films will cause any one to question what they are doing. It will be an advantage to any actor if they are willing to appear in as their male self before the transformation takes place. There will be other roles which do not require this but I'd like to start off with some which feature a transformation.

Obtaining the female models is not a problem for us but obtaining willing trans actors is another matter. So any help would be appreciated.

These films will cost real money to make and as such we at Tranisa want a return on our investment, but the downloads will be priced at a very reasonable price.

You'll be fed and watered whilst on site, your expenses to the filming location will be paid and you get an appearance fee too. See Tranisa for full details.

You would need to be available to the filming location in the UK.

Full details can be found at the Tranisa Feminisation website.

Keeping it all in your head or letting it take over?

One thing I have learned from others who identify with autogynephilia  is that there seem to be two types of heterosexual AGP types.

Type 1. The person never actually physically realises his fantasies in the real world, or even in private. Physical dressing does not take place. The fantasy and interest is kept under lock and key within their own head. I have always found it hard to understand how type 1 AGP's can control their fantasies so they are not driven to become a type 2 (below)

Type 2. The drive/desire is so strong that the brain commands the body to enact out the fantasy in the physical form. This may be in total private, in front of a trusted collection of friends or full on - going out and about dressed  in public to the local supermarket etc.

I personally fit into the type 2 category.

At first when as a young child of about 3 or 4 I fitted into the type 1 category. The thoughts and feelings grew ten fold over the years to what they are now. Any attempt at hiding the feelings for a period of time results in them coming out far worse at a later date.

I consider myself to be attracted to females and am constantly admiring the look of femininity. So much so that I want to copy it myself.

Please remember these blogs are just my own views. I have spent years obsessing with trying to deal with the fantasies I have. I researched and read every article and have decided to just put down my own thoughts on the subject with how it controls my own existance. What I write here is a brain dump and it may sound crazy at times.

If you're a TS who finds my posts offensive, there is no need to spend time writing to me to tell me how wrong I am about everything and that I'm a crazy schizoid fetishist who should shut up. I'm totally fed with people telling me that it's never been a fetish of any kind for them. Well good for you if that's the case, so go and enjoy life. Funny enough many who have said this to me are usually dressed in some form of fetish wear when they tell me. I've noticed that anyone who stands up and says hey I feel gender confused and there is a sexual side to it gets blasted very nastily.

Wednesday, 21 July 2010

Go On Just One More Dose....I promise it will be the last.

Pushing You Harder & Harder.  AGP a Lifelong Obsession

I have often thought that AGP has a kind of pleasure reward system behind it. Do a little something to give you that extra femininity and then you get the pleasure reward from doing so. I often feel like an addict  at the mercy of AGP.

Looking back over the last twenty years I feel my AGP thoughts have kept pushing me harder and harder to go down the road of transition. I go so far and then pull back and tell myself to pull myself together.

When I was twenty I had my ears pierced, no real big deal all the other guys were getting it done..... but in one ear not both like me. 

Nose job at thirty. I asked for a feminine nose, and the surgeon did his best.

I grow my hair long. I goto a ladies hairdresser as my male self. I'm given a woman's style of cut with out asking. The lady who cuts my hair knows a TS friend of mine so I guess she presumes I'm the same. I enjoy having it done like this.

The use of hormones to control AGP.  I'm not really sure if hormones control the AGP desire these days. They do make you feel better about yourself and help you feel more natural as a person. They take away the guilt I suffer with of being transgendered. As expected the hormones, even with a low dose over time have feminised me, which I like and take pleasure in the mental reward of doing so.

Boy George once said "We become our sexuality" I see a lot of truth in this. For me my sexuality is like a river running through me, its always there even when I'm not in a sexual mode. The cross gender feelings are always there even when I'm trying my best to pull myself together and be what I'm supposed to be.

I often just want to give up the fight and just give in to the whole thing, transition and hope for the best. But being at the mercy of the general public with acceptance is something I find very frightening.

New Web Site For Feminisation Fantasy

I've started a web site called Tranisa  to try and create quality non sexually explicit films which deal with all elements of trangender fantasy.

I've done a short promo film, which is on the main page of Tranisa, to demonstrate we can produce footage to a quality. 

Sunday, 27 June 2010

An Introduction

I consider myself to be an Autogynephilic transsexual, I take low dose hormones via my doctor to keep my GID under control. The low dose hormone works well and keeps my head clear. I guess I'm allergic to my own testosterone or its own natural levels are to high for me. Anyone else who can identify with this please say hello.

I'm tall, about 6ft, hair (getting long) is a light brown/blond, blue/green eyes and slim build. I've great legs too.

As a female I like to dress and appear pretty much as a real woman of my own age would be. 

I'm not full time, as I really don't think I have the strength of character to do so. I guess I'm too worried by what other people would think. No way to run your life worrying about what other people think is it. 

Always like to hear from others what ever their background or sexuality. So if you fancy getting in touch then please do.

The Autogynephilic Patient

I’d better say that this blogg will talk about sexual motivations associated with transgenderism. Its not for transitioning transsexuals who find the idea of sexual association with transition repulsive and perverse,  after all if you’re a transsexual who does not identify with this then what’s the point if reading this? Anyone who admits to suffering from the symptoms associated with autogynephilia is shot down very quickly by career minded transsexuals. This only results in greater confusion for the sufferer and it does not allow for an intelligent analysis of the symptoms and motivations.

I know autogynephilia is a ‘theory’, but it is a word which does describe the condition I have. I may not agree with every element of it but it is the best way of describing my motivations. To an outsider it may seem that I have a simple fetish. But it goes far deeper than that, I have all the symptoms of gender dysphoria that many many non AGP transsexuals have.

There are those of us who do desire transition but often question what is at the root of the desire to be female.

I’m not pretending to be an expert and only base what I write upon my own experiences over the last twenty odd years being ‘out’ on the TG scene.

'Oh it's not a sexual thing, I'm just wearing the uniform of my sex, I'm a transsexual not a transvestite', said the transsexual who was dressed in a mini skirt and see through blouse whilst parading at a drag nightclub in London. This was over twenty years ago when if anyone admitted to a sexual motivation to their dressing activities they were just a transvestite, a pervert. A true transsexual would never have experienced any form of sexual attachment to their trangenerism. 

Many TGs seemed to think that there was some form of pecking order. Transsexuals were seen as the higher order whilst the TV was just a TV. It was very hard to tell the difference between a TS and a TV. Appearance wise there seemed no difference between the two trans types. You may mistake a fetish dressed transsexual for a transvestite and also a transvestite dressed as a everyday woman could be easily be mistaken for being transsexual.

Are things any different today?

From meeting and talking to countless TG people over the years it's been very difficult to get them to talk about their sexuality. There are some for whom the dressing and associated behavior is so obviously sexually motivated yet they strongly deny it. Why do such TG people lie about this? Strangly enough some of the post op TS’s I’ve spoken to have admitted to a sexual motivation to the whole experience. They seem happy enough after SRS – should this be the case, shouldn’t they be full of regret??

This is only an introduction to my thoughts. I want to explore if AGP people can find inner peace, and happiness.